What an evening! (Police Content)

Driver Jatt

What an evening! (Police Content)

Right. It was supposed to be a drive home, dinner, TV, and nap type evening. A quiet one. An early one. The universe, as it tends to do, had other ideas.

I had to call the police on two occasions within the space of ten minutes. Ten minutes! From zero to 999 in less time than it takes to take a….. never mind!

Firstly, picture this. A popular out of city carriageway. The kind that’s a national speed limit, a bit twisty, and, crucially, has no lights. It’s dark. Pitch. You’re on your own beam pattern. I go round the bend and over the humpback bridge, only to be met, dead centre of my lane, with a pedestrian dressed completely in black taking a walk in the middle of the road. Not on the pavement. The actual road. There wasn’t enough time to stop. With my heart racing into my throat, I swerved round him, missing him by what felt like inches. I know locals drive round there pretty fast. I called the police out of pure fear for his life, and for the sanity of the driver who might not see him next time. One call made.

The second call came less than a minute later. Further down the same road, I noticed cars driving the wrong way on the dual carriageway section. A red flag. I rounded another bend and found the reason: a massive tree had come down, completely blocking both lanes. Three articulated trucks were already stopped, stranded. No one was getting through. I pulled up behind them. The immediate problem wasn’t the tree; it was stopping more cars from piling into the back of us at speed. Someone needed to block the road.

So, that’s what I did. I drove back up the carriageway the wrong way, flashing my lights and waving at every oncoming car to stop and turn around. Once the traffic was halted, I blocked the lane with my van. Then, with some absolutely cracking skill, the three truck drivers managed to turn their massive trucks and trailers around in the space of just two lanes. A proper three-point turn on a grand scale. That’s why they are professionals. We cleared the live lane.

Next, I waited for the police. A single copper turned up. He said he was the one sent out for the report of the walking man, and that another car was coming for the tree. That’s when I had to break the news to him. “You can’t access the man,” I said. “The tree’s in the way.” His face was a picture.

I’m told to keep the road blocked whilst he goes to inspect the tree. He comes back, I move my van, and he parks his car in its place. It was like swapping shifts at a factory. Handing over the watch. He looked very pee’d off. Like he’d joined up to bash baddies and chase cars and now he’d been made to babysit a fallen oak in the dark. Life is so unfair, eh.

I drove home, finally. No dinner, cold TV, no nap. Just a story about how ten minutes on a dark road can turn you into a traffic cop, a negotiator and a bearer of bad news for a very disappointed policeman.